try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
