I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Shame - the story of my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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