i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
