how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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