i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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