i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
