can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.