Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.