I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.