i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line