i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.