I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.