your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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