so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.