just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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