i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If its not for food we ain't going out.