thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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