Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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