we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
