You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
