I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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