Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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