I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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