is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
