You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
