i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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