It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
