i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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