Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
