So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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