I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
