my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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