My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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