Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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