Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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