My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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