I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
