is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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