All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
