i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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