her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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