I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
