I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
