It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
