No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
