I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
