i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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