I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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