please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
