I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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