Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
