you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
