heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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