dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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