I am puke
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
