she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't turn off my feet"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
