god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
