I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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