Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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