herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's never too late to be topless.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
