I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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