its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
