Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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