She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
