There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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