When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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