so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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