pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
