I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
