He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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