i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
