I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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