My nipple is on Facebook.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
